SUPPORT GROUP HELPS TEEN TACKLE ISSUES RELATED TO ADOPTION

By Leslie Davis

When teens learn they’ve been adopted, their entire world can shift. They may question who they are and what made them so unworthy of being loved by their birth parents, often causing them to act out, become depressed or seek comfort in drugs or alcohol.

If an adopted teen has begun engaging in destructive behaviors, it’s not just the behaviors that need to be addressed. Adopted teens have an entire set of concerns and issues that other teens don’t have, and they will need to address those in order to effectively work through any of the other problems they are experiencing.

The best way to do this is through both individual therapy and a support group for adopted teens, which allows kids to share similar feelings and experiences that others can’t quite understand.

“It allows kids to identify with other people who have a similar story and issues,” said Jeffrey A. Lavallee, LMFT, a senior clinician at Island View residential treatment center, which offers a support group for adopted children. “Their life starts to make more sense, and they make a connection between their adoption and why they act the way they do.”

Island View’s Adoption Support Group

The weekly adoption support group is one of several specialty groups for residents at Island View. Any students who are adopted are eligible for the adoption support group, but they are not required to participate. Students join the adoption group when they feel they are ready, and after they and a therapist determine if their issues are in fact related to their adoption. The support group helps adopted kids look at their behavioral problems, life philosophy and issues from the perspective of being adopted.

“The kids are put in a circle and they talk to each other to see if they see the world from the same perspective, and they come up with strategies that help them cope,” said Lavallee, who also supervises Island View’s adoption support group.

Throughout their time in the support group, students will complete assignments that can help them process their thoughts and feelings about their adoption. Assignments involve addressing if students are ready to search for their birth parents, what they want to find during their search, and any fears and fantasies that they have about their family of origin.

The assignments also help students look at how their adoption fits into their behavioral issues. While their issues are often the same as any other student at Island View, the fact that they were adopted can make their issues more complicated. In addition to a higher risk of substance abuse and depression, adopted kids also have a tendency to be angry and act out.

“Anger comes up a lot, especially with the boys,” Lavallee said. “They are prone to anger because it’s a helpless situation. A lot of kids need anger management, and we recommend that first so they are more mellow and ready to address their issues in the adoption group.”

Often, during the support group, students will feel ready to contact their biological parents. When that happens, the students will write letters that allow them to get on paper everything they’ve always wanted to say. Once the students have expressed their thoughts, fantasies and feelings, they can then decide if they want to send the letter as is or write a different letter to actually send.

“The initial letter gets their emotions out and gives them an increased sense of peace,” Lavallee said. “If the kids do want to contact their biological parents, they can write a calmer letter that will be received by the biological parents. Then they can really reach out to them and get some answers.”

Lavallee was himself adopted, and has an adopted son, giving him a unique perspective when it comes to leading the adoption support group. “The kids can relate when I say I have an adopted son because he’s 8 and closer to their own age,” he noted. “I am very candid with them.”

Island View’s adoption support group can go a long way to helping troubled teens figure out why they are behaving the way they are and work on addressing their issues.

“Sometimes the very key to straightening out a young person is an understanding of how they started out and fit into the world,” Lavallee said. “It can be very grounding.”

Island View also holds a two-day intensive seminar twice a year for adopted teens and their families. During the seminars, adopted students and their parents discuss adoption, behavioral issues and their philosophies about adoption. Multi-family therapy groups are also held so that parents and teens can get feedback, support and tips from other families in a similar position as them.